


Can We Pretend?

by JCJx83



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Post EP 35. You've been warned.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-05 12:12:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4179426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JCJx83/pseuds/JCJx83
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura alone in her dorm listening to music the night before Reading Week.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can We Pretend?

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so it's been a long while since I've written anything, so I do apologize for how bad this probably is. That said I do hope you all enjoy!

 “Alright, Silas, I’ve got a nice long set lined up for you all.” Laura’s eyes flitted away from her dorm room window and over to where the disembodied voice continued to come through her laptops speakers. “So enjoy! And remember, you only live _once_! So be sure and have some fun, ya hear?”

Laura sighed as an upbeat pop song kicked off, the DJ’s words repeating on a loop in her head.

“ _You only live once!_ ”

Her eyes closed as she inhaled a deep breath in through her nose. She held it, _three…two…one,_ she exhaled, opening her eyes as she did. She had lost count of how many times she had repeated that, simple, little mantra over the last six days. If she had to take a guess she would assume the number was well over a thousand.

She had tried to be strong, she _really_ had, but it was hard when literally _everything_ around her was a reminder. A reminder of what had been lost.

_Who_ had been lost.

It had been six days since the battle where they pulled off the impossible in overthrowing the Dean and her cabal of vampires.

Six days since she and Perry had followed Lafontaine to the pit under the Lustig.

Six days since she had stood by helplessly as she watched the woman she had come to care about jump into what was effectively a miniature sun, her weapon a sword that was essentially a death sentence to anyone who dared to wield it.

It had been six days since she had felt her heart shatter from where it beat within her chest.

Needless to say the past week had been a rather emotional one for Laura. The days had all been long and dreary. The nights… the nights had been a whirlwind of hopeful dreams that served to do nothing more than re-crush her already battered heart and pillows stained by her near endless tears.

Her friends of course had done everything within their power to help lessen the hurt.

Perry, the ever dotting mother, had stopped by at least twice every day in order to check up on the tiny journalist. The majority of her visits consisted of her trying to get Laura to eat. At first Laura had resisted but Perry was nothing if not persistent, and by the second day she had managed to get Laura to eat.

Lafontaine it seemed had drawn the straw of trying to make Laura smile. A task that was even more insurmountable than what they had just achieved, in the end it took the Bio-Major three days longer than Perry, but even they succeeded in their task.

Kirsch had told her that if she needed anyone to talk to he was always around. Which considering that out of all of them he was the only other person to have actually lost anyone in the godawful mess, she figured that he could relate best to what she was going through. Despite that she had yet to take him up on the offer.

Danny…well, Danny was _complicated_.

Whenever the amazon of a woman would come around she never stayed for very long. Not that Laura could blame her; she knew all too well how hard it was to watch someone you care about cry over somebody else. Laura would be lying if she said that she didn’t feel guilty about the position that she had put the two of them in, but the heart wants what the heart wants she supposed.

And it appeared as if hers just wanted to be broken.

A familiar stinging sensation started up in her eyes, she paid it no mind though. She had shed an untold number of tears in the past six days, so why would tonight be any different?

She turned her face back towards the window, her eyes canting up to peer into the endlessly clear night sky where the stars hung twinkling like lanterns.

Sitting by the room’s sole window had become somewhat of a nightly ritual for her ever since Carmilla had sacrificed herself. It seemed to bring a strange sense of peace to her, to sit and stare up at the stars that her roommate had so loved.

She also liked to think that Carmilla had joined them, just like Draco had in _Dragonheart_. It was a naïve thought and she knew it, something that she was sure that the aforementioned vampire would ridicule her for, but just like the ache in her chest, she couldn’t help it.

The somber mood was torn asunder as the ground began to shake, followed soon after by a monstrous wail. It was a noise so loud that it completely drowned out the music that was coming from her laptop that lay just feet away from her.

Laura felt a cool shiver work its way down her spine. The aftershocks were easily her second least favorite thing to have come from the battle, the first easily being her vampire roommate’s second death. She closed her eyes, patiently waiting for the moment when the quake would subside and plunge the night back into its peaceful calm.

Luckily she didn’t have to wait long, because as suddenly as the quake had begun it stopped, returning Silas University back to its normal level of weird and creepy.

With the quake over Laura was once again able to hear the music coming from her laptop. She caught the last chorus of some song that she didn’t know; she barely paid it any mind as the song faded out. Her attention was once again transfixed by the stars in the sky. If she was being perfectly honest she wasn’t sure why she had tuned her laptop into the campuses radio station. Don’t get her wrong, she genuinely enjoyed music, she had just never really been one to turn to the art in times of emotional duress. However with Betty out of the dorm dealing with the final paperwork for her transfer to…Harvard? …Or was it Princeton? Either way it didn’t matter, so she had figured; why not add a little music into her sulking?

So, here she was, sitting alone in her dorm staring up at the night sky while a steady stream of music poured out from her laptop.

She stayed in her spot, eyes tracing what few consolations that she knew while her ears took in the sounds coming from across the small room. It was tranquil, like a spring day after a light shower of rain. She lost all track of time, just allowing herself to get swept up in the moment. _God_ , she hadn’t realized just how much she needed time like this: time alone with herself, her thoughts, and her _pain_.

Unfortunately like all good things ever, her moment of catharsis had to come to an end.

“Okay, Silas, I’ve got one last song for you and then I’m off the air!” The radio DJ’s voice popped the peaceful little bubble that Laura had constructed around herself. She shot what she hoped was an angry glare at her laptop before returning her eyes back to the world that was outside her window.

“Alright, so this is a bit of an oldie but a goodie, I hope you all enjoy and I’ll see you all when you get back from Reading Week!”

Laura groaned at the words, her head falling forward to knock against the cool glass that made up the window. She had been dreading leaving Silas all week.

Yes, she missed her dad and wanted desperately to see him, especially after everything that had happened. She could use a little dose of normal into her life. At the same time however, she wasn’t sure if she was ready to leave the place where she had met Carmilla.

It was a truly terrible conundrum she had found herself in. And she wished with everything that she was that there was something, _anything_ , that she could do to change it.

“So with no further ado, here we go!”

The DJ’s voice faded away into silence once again. The silence carried on for a brief moment before the song finally kicked in.

Laura felt the stinging sensation return to her eyes as she recognized the warm piano notes that were coming from her speakers. _Of course,_ she thought, _of course they play_ this _song._

Lyrics soon joined the soft droning of the piano.

**_Can we pretend that airplanes_ **

**_In the night sky are like shooting stars?_ **

**_I could really use a wish right now_ **

**_Wish right now_ **

**_Wish right now_ **

“If only,” Laura mumbled the words. Her eyes were trained on where her hands were balled in her lap, her fingernails digging roughly into the soft skin of her palm.

She really couldn’t believe her luck sometimes. Out of all of the pop songs that existed in the world they had to play the one about wishing upon a star, or more accurately in this case, an airplane. Did the universe just want to make her cry, was that it? Because it really seemed like that was the case.

She entertained the thought of getting up and slamming her laptop shut, thus ending the offending song, but for whatever reason she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. It was almost like some invisible force was holding her in place where she sat on the stool.

So, she decided on another course of action. If she wasn’t going to get up and turn the song off, she would do the next best thing. Tune it out.

**_But that's just how the story unfolds_ **

**_You get another hand soon after you fold_ **

**_And when your plans unravel in the sand_ **

**_What would you wish for if you had one chance?_ **

Laura turned her attention back to the window, doing her best to ignore the ache in her chest that the lyrics had just caused.

As soon as her eyes landed upon the stars they instantly went back to tracing constellations. She followed the lines of Pegasus, Ursa Major, and Aries. Slowly but surely the song faded into the void, the sounds blurring together to form a single line of incoherent noise.

She shifted on the stool, moving her eye line to gaze at some of the less complex combinations. A small smile graced her lips as she found the Big Dipper, she traced the cup first before doubling back to draw the connections that made up the handle.

That star, that star was… _moving?_

She squinted her eyes, focusing in on the light that was currently making its way across the night sky. She only had to watch it for a moment before she realized its true nature.

Laura shook her head, “That’s not possible…”

She didn’t believe it, _refused_ to believe it. But the longer she stared at it the clearer it become. It wasn’t a star that she was looking at, but an _airplane._

**_Can we pretend that airplanes_ **

**_In the night sky are like shooting stars?_ **

**_I could really use a wish right now_ **

**_Wish right now_ **

**_Wish right now_ **

“ _I want Carmilla._ ” The words tumbled out of Laura’s mouth before she knew what she was doing.

She clinched her teeth, “I want her back!”

She stood up violently, knocking the stool over. She slammed her fists down against the surface of the window sill, yelling: “Do you hear me?”

“I want Carmilla _back!_ ” She shouted the words at the window. She knew she was being loud but she didn’t care. She was _hurting_ and she needed to let it _out_ , if she didn’t she would explode.

She knew on some level that what she was doing was crazy. She knew that wishes never came true, how many quarters had she flipped into fountains without ever getting anything in return? She couldn’t help it though. Her emotions were overflowing and they were pouring out in her words.

“I want her _back,_ ” Her voice broke into a sob, “ _Please_ …just…give her back…”

She slouched forward, her cheeks wet with tears. She swallowed, trying to alleviate the burning sensation that had taken up residency in her throat from the yelling. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.

_three…two…one…_

She blew the breath out slowly as the song came to a close.

**_I-I-I-I could really use a wish right now_ **

**_A wish, a wish right now_ **

**_{A wish right now}_ **

She had to repeat the process five more times before she finally calmed down. She opened her eyes, quickly using her sleeve the clean her cheeks of any remaining wetness. With her tears wiped away she looked back out the window, eyes searching for any sign of the plane.

It was gone.

She sighed, turning away from the window and heading towards her bed, being careful not to stumble across the fallen stool. She knew that she should pick it up but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

Reaching her bed she threw herself onto it facedown, clutching her yellow pillow to her face. She inhaled deeply, the familiar scent doing wonders for her raw emotions. She tightened her hold on the pillow, trying her very best to absorb the pillow’s comfort into her very being.

She could feel her body relaxing, her eyes becoming heavy.

She was asleep with minutes. Her last conscious thought was of a woman dressed in black.

**Author's Note:**

> I've never seen this song used with Hollstein, now I'm not saying works with it don't exist, just that I've never seen any of them. I was heading into work one morning and this song came on and the wannabe writer in me ran away with it before I could get a word in edgewise. 
> 
> So, I hope you all enjoyed my first excursion back into fanfic! I have a couple of more ideas floating around in my head, just gotta get them written and ironed out. If you guys have any comments or criticisms please leave them, I really do love hearing from people who have read my crappy work. Thanks for reading and your time!


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